We’ve won the battle, but we’re still losing the war: 5 things to remember as you fight infertility.

I’ve realized something this week: infertility is not a single battle to be won, but a war we constantly fight. Succeeding in becoming pregnant one time does not mean that a person is no longer infertile.

You can read my infertility story here. Thankfully, we were blessed with our little miracle boy 14 months ago. However, I realized this past week that while we succeeded in becoming pregnant, we are still an infertile couple.

A couple is considered to be experiencing fertility problems if they’ve been unable to get pregnant after one year. While we haven’t truly been “trying” for the past 13 months, we haven’t been preventing either. Actually, I’ve been much more aware of my windows these past few months. But here we are… over a year later… and once again, not pregnant.

We agreed a long time ago that if we weren’t pregnant again by the time our son was 15 months old, we would really focus on trying to get pregnant. If we still weren’t pregnant by his second birthday, we would revisit the fertility clinic. We want to have three children, and considering we’ve both hit 30 years old, we need to accomplish this before I’m 35 or we’ll have even less chance of getting pregnant.

I recently talked with a friend who was visiting the fertility clinic at the same time I was. She got pregnant through IVF and had her son about a month before I had mine. She told me that they’re starting the process for another IVF procedure so that their son can have a sibling. Between that conversation with her and my own recurrent battle coming once again to the forefront, I’ve finally seen that infertility is a constant war.

Doctors told me that once I got pregnant, it would be easier to get pregnant again. Well, it hasn’t. The medicine I take daily for my PCOS usually gets other women pregnant within 1-2 cycles. Well, it hasn’t for me. At the end of this month, we’ll hit that 15-month mark. To be honest, I’m scared. I wanted and prayed that we’d be able to get pregnant without going back to the fertility clinic. It’s not that they did anything wrong – they were wonderful. It’s just that if we have to go back, I feel, yet again, like a failure.

I try to remind myself of these five things as this second battle approaches:
1. Being scared is okay.
2. I have to be prepared for the possibility of a miscarriage. The American Pregnancy Association says that up to 25% of pregnancies can end in miscarriage. (Read more about miscarriage here. If you have suffered from a miscarriage, I suggest reading my friend Lindsey’s blog. She survived four miscarriages in a row, and her strength gives me hope that even if I lose a child, I’ll survive it too.)
3. I need to ask for prayer and encouragement instead of trying to face this alone. Facing it alone last time made it so much harder.
4. There is still hope. We succeeded in getting pregnant once; it can happen again. It has happened for others.
5. If we don’t get pregnant ever again, it’s not the end of the world. There are other ways that we can provide a sibling for our son.

Ultimately, I have to trust that God will see us through. It may not be my Plan A (well, I guess we’ve already gone to Plan B), but I know that God works all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). Even though we weren’t able to get pregnant without help, we did get pregnant. Even if we face struggles again, God can work another miracle. And if He chooses not to, that’s okay. That doesn’t mean His plan doesn’t include another child. If it does… well, we’ll figure that out as we go.


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